TODAY has been a good day – I couldn't tell you why and I can't tell you if tomorrow is going to be the same.

It's all just little bit too difficult to grasp at times, or to even describe to someone. Am I down? Am I just bored?

Depression is not a word I really like to use. As soon as I begin to tell someone that I am depressed, I revert to that position that I'm over reacting – that I'm just a wee bit sad and it'll all go away in a day.

Most of the times that is the case. Doesn't matter how I've felt, it recedes. It comes on in waves.

And when I do feel better – when I'm back to "normal" – I will almost always chastise myself for being dramatic or not being strong enough. I just can't help it.

At least that was how it used to be. Over the last few months, it has been a little different. Though it still comes on and fades away as usual, it doesn't really disappear anymore. It lingers like a dull company and festers. Sometimes, it's all I can do to stop myself from breaking down.

I am not naive to think that I am the only one who has ever felt this way, and yet I still don't feel most people can understand. Generally, we quite simply don't see how a person's mental health can crack without reason. We don't take it seriously when we hear how the little things become big things and they chip away at someone's soul. We all think we could deal with other people's problems and situations with ease.

But gradual decline in someone's mental health happens; it happens all the time. I'm willing to bet it happens to everyone and it's how we deal with it that determines the impact.

I know keeping it to myself, trying to battle through it and cope with it that way is not working anymore. That has long been my "way out" but it's now becoming part of the problem.

That being said, I'm not ready to talk to someone. I still don't want people to know. The way people see me is important to me and I don't see how losing that will make me feel better.

I hope that by putting this down on paper that I take a step forwards. If things are going in circles, then we need to take another way. There is a first step for every journey.